Trump says he asked Google to make the Atlantic the ‘Trump Ocean.’ Google said no.

Every empire needs an ocean. This one has a guy named Sundar.

Wednesday night in Clemson, Trump did a victory lap of his renaming tour. First the Gulf, then the lake: “I did it very lightly, and the damn thing got changed,” he said. “That’s power, right?” Then the next item on the list: “Now we need a river, and we need an ocean.” He spared the Mississippi, out of mercy. On oceans he’s picky. “I was always high-end,” he said, and “my father said, that kid has the greatest eye for location.” So: “I only like two oceans, the Atlantic Ocean and the Pacific Ocean.”

He says he called Google Maps and got “a brilliant guy, Sundar,” who is “still rattled from the Gulf.” Trump’s version of what Sundar said back: “No, no, no. This time I’m not doing it. ... Oceans are different, sir.” All we have is Trump’s account of the call. Then his ruling: “I think let’s keep it the Atlantic Ocean, right?” Followed, in the same breath, by “Pacific Ocean. We’re going to call it the American Ocean.” The retreat lasted about one sentence.

On 10 October in Clarksville, Tennessee, he said “before I get out, I think we should have an ocean.” By our math, it’s taken less than two weeks for the ocean to get a lawyer. And on the lake he did get, Trump says “Canada’s thrilled with it.” Ontario’s premier put up a giant billboard that reads “Lake Ontario — Now and Always.” They’re thrilled the way a neighbor is thrilled when you mow your name into their lawn.